All I Ask

All I ask
All I will ever ask
Is to lose myself in the words that are written
In the poet, the writer whose world is so strong
I can feel their presence
Their hands on my face or thighs
I do not want to know about how you
Perceive the falling snow or rain
Instead tell me about your meth addiction
How your skin crawls and your mind screams
Tell me about your attempted suicide
How you felt that everyone worth loving has left
Or turned on you
Tell me about the impact of hitting rock bottom
I am reading
I am here listening
Hanging on your every word
Tell me about your isolation
Your absolute solitude
Your overwhelming loneliness
I am just on the other side of the screen
Hiding behind the next page
Peeking in like a voyeur through the cracks
Of the binding and viral net
Wanting only you inside me
Filling my mind, my very soul
With the magnitude, the weight
Of what you have to say



I am well versed in self destruction

Because what I do I do well

And I can hurt myself better

Than you or anyone ever could

Or would ever want to

Vicious lover I take after a 5th of liquor

What you want is

What you think I am is

A victim


I am well versed in predators

And you are just a puppet

Who refuses to see his strings

And I am the actor, director, playwright

Who has seen this stage

Far too many times

Not to know how this will end

For your sake we will not

Name this act

Even if we both understand

It is called Low


I am well versed in rock bottoms

This is only love, this is only fun

For one night only

As long as we believe that this means

More to the other

Than it does to ourselves


I am well versed in make believe

I like pretending

Dressing up for the part

As your favorite lush

Buying you drinks on ladies night

Because I always drink for free

I only pay in the morning

When I wake to see you still sleeping

Long after last call

Long after the curtains have closed


I am well versed in small and empty mercies

I feel a tiny and terrible pity

For what we do so far from home

Fearing what our absent lovers know

Fearing we will learn

How they fill their beds

And the empty spots in their lives

When we are gone


I am well versed in contradiction

While I lay beside you

And only think of him