All I Ask

All I ask
All I will ever ask
Is to lose myself in the words that are written
In the poet, the writer whose world is so strong
I can feel their presence
Their hands on my face or thighs
I do not want to know about how you
Perceive the falling snow or rain
Instead tell me about your meth addiction
How your skin crawls and your mind screams
Tell me about your attempted suicide
How you felt that everyone worth loving has left
Or turned on you
Tell me about the impact of hitting rock bottom
I am reading
I am here listening
Hanging on your every word
Tell me about your isolation
Your absolute solitude
Your overwhelming loneliness
I am just on the other side of the screen
Hiding behind the next page
Peeking in like a voyeur through the cracks
Of the binding and viral net
Wanting only you inside me
Filling my mind, my very soul
With the magnitude, the weight
Of what you have to say



I am well versed in self destruction

Because what I do I do well

And I can hurt myself better

Than you or anyone ever could

Or would ever want to

Vicious lover I take after a 5th of liquor

What you want is

What you think I am is

A victim


I am well versed in predators

And you are just a puppet

Who refuses to see his strings

And I am the actor, director, playwright

Who has seen this stage

Far too many times

Not to know how this will end

For your sake we will not

Name this act

Even if we both understand

It is called Low


I am well versed in rock bottoms

This is only love, this is only fun

For one night only

As long as we believe that this means

More to the other

Than it does to ourselves


I am well versed in make believe

I like pretending

Dressing up for the part

As your favorite lush

Buying you drinks on ladies night

Because I always drink for free

I only pay in the morning

When I wake to see you still sleeping

Long after last call

Long after the curtains have closed


I am well versed in small and empty mercies

I feel a tiny and terrible pity

For what we do so far from home

Fearing what our absent lovers know

Fearing we will learn

How they fill their beds

And the empty spots in their lives

When we are gone


I am well versed in contradiction

While I lay beside you

And only think of him


My mind aches

Not like the pain

Of headaches or migraines

It thrums with thoughts


So fast

I do not comprehend them

They are not tangible

Until I write them out

Acting like a conduit

For something larger than myself

This is automatic writing

Between the possessed

And possession

I am both and it is me

I can no longer separate

My being from the whorl of words

From the stream of consciousness

That streams in me, through me

And out of me like ink

Like water

Like blood

But finer and purer

Like the smoke of altars

Like the smudge of ashes

Like the echo of prayers

That ring hollow in the rafters

And go unanswered

I am worn like a glove

And I stretch over the very bones and flesh

Of what I am creating

Of what I myself am becoming

My mind, it aches

Not with pain

But with words

Being called forth

My mind thrums, revolts, births

And I am merely a conduit

For what is coming



The sweetest of all waters

When I go down to drink

I have to wonder what cupped hands

Have been here taking sips

And deep swallows

Along the wet powder of the shore

Compounded and steady sand

From all the feet leaving their impressions

It was said we all go down to drink

To ponder over art, to ponder over life

As we pour the cool liquid

Down parched throats

Replenish tired minds, dry inkwells,

And stiff paint brushes

We all gather at the place

To find the perfect words

Most beautiful colors and brush strokes

To finish our piece

To complete a poem

To end a story

The sweetest of all waters

The most precious of all liquids

Sustain the dreaming minds

Pool from the root of all artistic desire

Keep Tuning In

Keep tuning in

The voices barely a whisper

They say, “We can speak through this”

Will echo inside until you are sure

They yell

They scream

And plead endlessly

To just write this down

One more line

Maybe two…

Sometimes you will drown them out

With whatever you can

So you can have some peace get some sleep

Or just exist without being so aware

Of the tidal waves of pain and regret

That crash inside you



Your heart, your soul, your thoughts

And they are no longer yours

Not really

Still you hear the whisper

Keep tuning in

We’ll never stop talking…